Fallen Deer Zones

I've been driving a lot lately, bringing my son to and from college. It can get a little monotonous...so naturally I get to thinking...here's what:

"Fallen Rock Zone" huh? Who cares if a rock fell here? OK, perhaps I can see this as a sort of warning....we blasted through this mountain and some rocks may continue to fall, perhaps onto your car as you speed by at mach 2. But, really, these rocky ledges are, like, at least 10 yards back from the road. And they slope away from the road. So, in order for a rock to hit my car, it would have to literally LEAP off the ledge. And what are the chances of that happening? Swan diving rocks.

Deer are another story. I'm much more likely to be hit by a falling deer. I've seen them perched on the edge of the shoulder of the interstate thinking about crossing. What I wonder though, is how much we taxpayers paid some guy to stalk the highways of all of New York State, determining where deer should cross. And why we hired someone on drugs....because he definitely missed the mark. OK. It may not be all his fault. Maybe the deer are not doing their part. They are in blatant disregard of the rules and have decided that they will hang out wherever the heck they please. Or maybe they're not apathetic...maybe they just can't read! In which case, we (o' faithful taxpayers) need to institute a program of literacy for all deer in the Empire State. Oh! Maybe they're immigrant deer from Canada! In which case we can set them up with regular ESL courses in forest glens, one per 10 acre plot. Or....perhaps we should make all the deer crossing signs bi-lingual? Would that do it? Because, really, I think the deer are much more dangerous than the leaping rocks.

Rest Stops have "Gift Shops." My daughter and I are going to hit Exit 29 on Black Friday and see if we can get our Christmas shopping done. Would you rather the $2 aspirin tablet or the $3 Diet Coke?

Rest Stops are historical! Something new I've noticed on rest stop "features" signs is the advertised promise that "History Happened Here." Then, near the entrance to the rest rooms and french fries (which are what you're really interested in) there are huge signs, done in blue and gold, about 100 words each, describing the aforementioned historical events. OK. So I ask you...say you're traveling to pick up your son at college. You've been driving for 4 hours and you're sick of the same CD. Are you going to pull off the interstate to see what obscure "history" happened there, at the Podunk truck stop, in 1856? This reminds me of those door plaques you can get now, for your own estate's front door, that proclaim (in the most dignified Old English Script) that:

On this Spot
~ in 1891 ~
Nothing Happened

Still on rest stops.... You order a cup of tea and a muffin. The guy behind the counter carefully removes your muffin with a tissue and places it in the bag, so as to not touch it with his bare hands. Then he pours the tea water into the travel cup and plasters his palm all over the lid to secure it. What's wrong here?

Back on the road, wary of leaping rocks, and getting closer to my destination, I'm noticing water towers. Can I just ask why they are labeled?!! Do the good people in Podunk want all the passersby on the interstate to know and appreciate that this here water tower belongs to them? Are they that proud of their water tower? Or perhaps they are afraid of losing it?

My favorite exit on the highway is one that says, "There is no return to the highway from this exit." This one really makes me think:

1. When does one "return" via an "exit."
2. What they're really saying is "you can't get here from there."
3. What are they doing down there that they don't want anyone to know about?

My son started laughing on the way home. "What?" I said.
"That message sign had a sign that said "message sign under construction" in front of it " said he. There's just nothing more to say about that.

Another one he noticed was an "Attractions this Exit" sign...completely blank. That's a hopeful community!

I think I'm going to try books on CD.